Yesterday was a tough day. I wrote an extensive blog post about it and then it got lost. I'll try and write a little later and reflect on the day. For now, I need to reflect on the day that lies in front of us. Worship is happening in the main hall, but I can't really be there right now...I just need a moment.
Today we await a visit from the protestors. Yesterday there was much pain and we will be reminded of that today. As I think about this, my stomach gets tied up in knots and I get a lump in my throat. I dread today because it shows so clearly the brokenness of God's Church.
I experienced my first General Conference when I was 18. That year the Conference was held in Cleveland, and has been remembered as one of the most difficult Conferences because of the particularly divisive protest. The protest scene is Cleveland is seared into my mind with amazing clarity. I don't remember my high school graduation as well as I remember the 2nd Thursday of General Conference in Cleveland. While I appreciate the opportunity that I had to go to General Conference that year, I was too young to experience that kind of pain that comes through protest. What is difficult is that this year reminds me of Cleveland.
That experience changed the way I look at church and as I reflect, has shaped part of my call in the Church. Cleveland showed me clearly the broken and divided parts of the church and called me to somehow speak to that. Ever since that day I have struggled to know how to hold orthodoxy as I know it with abundant grace. I have struggled to hold beliefs and build bridges. I do the best I can, but I know that I don't have it all figured out. Protests bring up anger inside of me, but also extreme hurt. It reminds me that when "one part of the body hurts so does the rest." Today, our United Methodist body is hurt, and I struggle to know how to hold that hurt in tension with the idea that we made the correct choice.
Today reminds me of part of my call...to preach, to teach, to lead and to build up the body of Christ. Today the body of Christ is hurt, and I pray that while a witness is shown to the hurt of the body, that the witness will not be too dividing. As a witness happens today, I will probably pray and weep for the Church and I will ask that God continue to grow gifts in me that will allow me to know how to speak and work within pain. Please pray for me as well.
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2 comments:
hope you are resting after your trying time. my thoughts were with you. (or if you prefer I did pray! as one blogger so eloquently stated last month!
It is now the middle of July, a few months since general conference. do you have any other thoughts now that you have been able to put some space between you and the place you were in? THe hurt and conflict is still there, it is just simmering again on the back burner if you will....
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